


The Scars You Have And The Scars You Choose

by Whatafuckingdumbass



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Established Relationship, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other, Reader-Insert, Scars, Tattoos, he/they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whatafuckingdumbass/pseuds/Whatafuckingdumbass
Summary: Loki has an issue with their image and you try your best to help him.
Relationships: Loki/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	The Scars You Have And The Scars You Choose

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** body image issues, body dysphoria, scars (no kink), tattoos, fighting, cursing. 
> 
> I am not going deep into the body image because it might be triggering. But if you have any doubt with the way you look, remember that no matter if you fit the unrealistic expectations of society about beauty or not, you are breathtaking just as you are.

If there's one sure thing about Loki you know, is that he's way too self–conscious about his body.

Even when you were just friends, it was obvious. You can see how they were —and still are—staring at the other guys in the team, especially Thor and Steve and more often when their gender envy is too strong, and sighing quietly. More often than it's healthy, he would make "jokes" about how "scrawny and weak" he is, no matter how unnaturally high his strength and stamina limits are. And, on the worst days you came to realise, they would stare at a part of their body with disgust, you bet that there was no glamour in that part to hide something.

Even before you start dating, you try to prove him wrong. You crack jokes about whoever Loki's envious of, and it's rare to not make them start joking too. When he jokes about himself, you don't laugh even if the joke is objectively good, and they stop making those jokes altogether. And when you find him staring at a piece of him like it's a shit they stepped on, you touch it gently and give em a small squeeze, your heart fluttering when you see a faint smile forming.

But you rarely see something. Even when one was dragging the other to the bed they were wearing a glamour to hide. Only when he's too tired or too comfortable he lets a small detail slip, enough to make you recognize the illusions. And each time you find a new one, you kiss it and trace your fingers on it, after asking if it still hurts and getting a negative nod. Each time, they smile and give you a kiss, repeating 'thank you's and 'I love you's like prayers.

This time, you're sure the only illusion that exists is the one that keeps the Blue Ray version (as you call the Jötunn form but never say out loud) in control. There was a mission on Asgard and Loki came back looking physically and mentally drained, as he always is after any interaction with this planet.

So, you end up laying on a bed like a good pillow, Loki's resting their head on your shoulder and trying to fall asleep. Your hand is wandering in his back, helping him relax. They're almost there when you stop, your eyes focused on a huge bruise on their shoulder. He sounds asleep enough, so you pull the collar of the shirt and take a look.

At first glance, it's just a huge bruise. But they haven't trained or fought with something strong enough to make a similar scar. And, it spreads in theads, like lightnings. The thickest threads spread to his chest, so your fingers follow them on his pale skin, going lower and lower. You probably tickle them, because they lay on their chest with a hum and press their nose against your neck. 

You skip his lower stomach, and move to the thighs. It's lightning, so it must have an exit scar on the part of him that's lower for the grounding. Their bruised right thigh prove you right. You smile, glad that he's on his boxers, and follow the lines with your eyes, until they gather on a small bruise on the shoe pad. 

It's basically covering him, from the left shoulder to the right foot. You don't deny that it's scary, and start petting their back again to soothe yourself. 

"This one doesn't get a kiss?" his voice comes out throaty, but it's enough to startle you. You breathe down.

"Let's say that I owe this one and repay you when you're more livid," you smile and trace your fingers on their hair. He hums, moving his head away from your neck and scanning you with tired eyes.

"You can just say that," they stop and attempt to hide a yawn, "that it's ugly," they give you a sly smile, but his eyes are still scanning you with the same worry.

You smile and bring him closer, removing some hair from his forehead. "There's no way I will find something ugly about you," you blow a kiss on their forehead, then on their cheek and lips. You start moving down to their neck until you finally reach the entrance scar, and kiss that too.

"Enough with the kisses, I'm still exhausted," he pushes you away and lays back on his spot. You return to the head massage, hoping it can somehow release something. 

It doesn't take long for them to slip to a deep sleep. But you're not as lucky.

Whatever this is, it's obviously done by Thor, there's no other way to get a scar like this. And it's stretched in some parts, so Loki had it before puberty. Maybe, when Thor's not so sure that he'll die, you will ask what happened. Loki hates it too much to tell the story behind it.

And you do. Three days later, after Loki's clinginess due to exhaustion fades away, you ask Thor. "They were five, we were playing, or sparring. I just slammed their shoulder and they were lit up. The healers barely managed to keep them alive and they woke up a week later, started playing again after two weeks. It was my first thunder, and the scariest one," he explains. Before you thank him, you make him swear not to say anything to anyone. And he swears.

But Loki still won't speak to you for the rest of the day. Not until you match to his room and walk in, flaming green eyes glaring at you.

"Whatever you want, just go ask Thor, he knows better," they turn back to the open book in their hands as they speak.

"Stupid move, I know, I'm sorry. But you were more gloomy about this one, what if something happened with the question?" you try to explain yourself.

Loki chuckles. "Did your idoitic little brain consider that maybe I was gloomy because _I had returned from an intergalactic trip trying to stop a massacre?_ " He snaps to you, the fire in his eyes growing.

"No…" you whisper, letting your head fall forward. A breeze comes from your partner's side, your breath hatches.

"When we are talking, you will look at me in the fucking eyes, do you understand?" They spit. Your skin crawls before you raise your head again. 

Even Tony must be _very_ dedicated to make Loki furious enough to curse, and you manage it within moments…

His knuckles are white by gripping the book, eyes pierced on you and lips pressed together by his clenched jaw. They let a sigh, breaking eye contact. "Leave. Just… leave," his voice is now small, almost as small as yours. You nodd and leave, not saying a word.

Between being two hot tempered and over emotional idoits who love yelling, this isn't the first or last fight with Loki, and not even on the top five of the ugly ones. But, it's the first time Loki fights like this. Usually, they let hell loose, yelling at the top of their lungs with tears streaming down as one bitter word follows another. This time, he looked drained, done. They didn't give a shit. And, somehow, it makes the yelling competitions so much better.

You sleep on separate beds, for the first time in months. The next morning, neither speaks, but both notice how the sleepless night has left marks on each other. And then you vanish for some good hours. 

Loki pretends not to care. Every time you're overwhelmed, you go for walks and think. But something on this one tells him that you might not return. Or that if you return to the base, you won't return to them. No matter how much he tries not to think of this, to remind himself that it's just one stupid fight—and not even a bad one—it's a matter of time for him to drown in these thoughts. 

You return, wearing your favourite long sleeved jacket. Of course, Loki cannot feel it, but it's cold. So why shouldn't you cover a bit more? And you're too protective towards your left hand. You're right handed, and Loki's left handed, so there's a silent agreement that you sit on their right. At first, you did that so you can both use your dominant hands without banging elbows. But Loki started seeing it like you show each other the vulnerable side. And he lost this thing too…

A week after the fight, they finally swallow their ego and join you in bed. Since the fight, the nightmares and thinking wouldn't let him close an eye. Fortunately, you just nod and make room for them, but you're not at ease yet and you still keep that hand away from him. 

"My darling, I'm so sorry…" they frown just so, fighting to keep tears they didn't know they held from running. You reply with that soft smile you always have after a fight, that smile that means 'you're already forgiven'.

He smiles back, his hand wandering towards this place you guard so carefully. You pull it back without thinking about it. "Are you hurt? What is it?" they ask. The smile fades.

"It's complicated…" you sigh, your eyes pinned on his. You don't lie, you know better than lying to them, but it's not the truth either. And it's anything but reassuring. In fact, it's the best answer to make Loki think of the worst case scenario.

"Please, tell me you didn't do it because of me…" tears start creeping out, but he does his best to hold them back.

"Actually…" you trail off. Loki holds a sob and hides their face with two hands. You grab his forearm, trying to save whatever you can.

"I'm so sorry… you shouldn't have done something like this…" they breathe out, already shaking.

"Loki, before you panic, can I explain?" you ask, oddly calm. He takes a deep breath and nods, lowering his hands.

"I didn't have the budget to make it bigger than this and it's still healing, so…" you mutter and unzip the jacket, taking your left hand out.

You swear, Loki's eyes have never gone so wide.

Your whole hand is covered with a dark blue lighting, almost like his scar. It begins from the same spot on your shoulder but fades to thin lines around your wrist instead of having an exit wound. The skin in it is dry and ready to come off, but you smile like nothing happens.

"What…" they ask, eyes pinned on your hand.

"I know how you feel about things like this, so I tattooed the lightning scar. The color is unrealistic but it's very badass and I thought you'd find yours badass too," you mutter.

Loki crushes you on the tightest hug possible, tears streaming down from him and wetting your shirt. "Hey, it mustn't get wet," you push them away and change shoulders before letting them cry again. 

"I can't believe a tattoo has already a bigger place in your hand than me…" he sighs.

"You idiot, it's still healing. And I wouldn't get it if you didn't own my heart," you laugh, pulling away and smiling at them. 

They pull you into a kiss, hot tears still steaming down and making it wet and salty. But neither pulls way. Instead, you devour each other like you haven't eaten in a week, tongues making their ways to the other's mouth and lips pressing like there's no tomorrow. You barely notice the green light that makes the chapped skin vanish and leaves perfect blue lines behind it.

"You're magnificent, you know that?" Loki's the one to pull away, breathing heavily as he speaks.

They move to your left, your eyes widen when they kiss the top of the fresh healed tattoo. You smile and lay on his chest, giving him the signal to lay as well and cover both of you with the blanket.

"Can I ask, did you plan this after the fight?" they play with your hair, making you groan against them.

"I did it when I first saw it. The idea of making a tattoo of one of your scars is quite some months old, but I didn't find something strong enough," you hum, hand wandering on his chest.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I missed this,"

Loki makes your hand raise and gives you a soft kiss again. "I missed you too,"

You both fall asleep within seconds, you always do when you're together. But this time, Loki's hand is protectively holding your inked limb fingers tracing the lines.

They won't stop being so self–conscious, you both know that. But the idea that the lighting scar is badass is not so bad anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been in my brain for a while, and I had to. Tell me what you think. Also, he/they Loki is just so pure, I love them!


End file.
